I feel weak

Not physically weak.. I deadlifted 415 lbs in the last week. As well as hit a new personal best on bench press at 235 x 14. I’m super stoked. I was worried I’d lose strength on this diet… but it hasn’t happened. Thank Jeebus for that.

I  feel weak because i keep caving on my diet and drinking alcohol. Lots of alcohol.

A week or so ago, I was going to have a drink or two… which turned into most of a bottle. That in itself wasn’t all that bad. But the next morning my pee strips showed i was still in ketosis. Mentally that made me justify to myself that drinking would be ok. So last Saturday, I did it again. And I overdid it. The next day I had to work, I was hungover and felt like shit. I crammed all the carbs I could down my gullet and a couple bottles of gatorade. It helped me survive the day but ruined my diet. After a day of hard work I felt much better. And to celebrate, My friend and I decided to have a few drinks! Well, a few turned into many… and we managed to polish off a liter of Jack between us.

Monday, my diet was back to where it should be, but I was sick all day at work. Even threw up while I was there. Why do I do this to myself? I always start with good intentions. Then drunk me takes over and I just can’t stop. I should quit. I could quit. Deep down, I just don’t want to.

Tuesday, my dad invited me to dinner. Pasta. As far as carbohydrate temptations come, pasta is my achilles heal. I LOVE it. So i chowed down. Then had seconds. Ketosis… is fucked.

I hope this isn’t the week that ruins everything.

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